Why Kids Quit Sports
Written by John O'Sullivan- www.changingthegameproject.com
You can read this article in full at http://changingthegameproject.com/why-kids-quit-sports/?inf_contact_key=875f0158429bd995b458aaa3836e7749a2fbae9cd2e1a1de4099378fc8eae4ba
“I just can’t take it anymore coach,” a
talented but underperforming player named Kate told me a few years back.
“I think I am done playing.”
My mind went through all the reasons this might be happening:
burnout, other interests, team dynamics, I was too hard on her, the
gamut. What could it be?
“It’s my dad. He loves me and I know he only wants the best for me,
but he just can’t stop coaching me, in the car, and from the sideline
each and every game. I can’t play when he is around, and he insists on
coming to every game, every road trip, you name it. It’s like it’s more
important to him than it is to me.”
Sadly, Kate’s story is a common one. It is a tale about
well-intentioned parents whom want nothing but the best for their
children. They love their kids; they just don’t always love them in a
helpful way.
As I have stated here many times, 70% of children are dropping out of
organized sports by the age of 13. Whenever I mention this sad
statistic, people come out of the wood work saying that it’s only the
kids who aren’t good enough to play that quit. They say it’s an age
where school, jobs and other interests take precedence. These things are
true and contribute to a part of the dropout rate, but they are not the
entire picture.
Sadly, in our current state of youth sports, kids and families are
asked to do more and more at younger and younger ages, especially the
kids who show early aptitude in a sport. Many of these athletes, our
most dedicated and talented ones, burnout and drop out as well.
We don’t simply lose the kids who cannot make varsity; we lose many of the best athletes on our teams.
If you are a parent or a coach, I believe it is critical that we have
a good understanding of why kids play, and why they quit. It is also
crucial that we have open lines of communication with our athletes, so
we can spot some of the red flags and right the ship before it’s too
late.
I believe there are five main reasons kids walk away from sports, and they all boil down to one common denominator:
they cause kids to have a poor state of mind when it comes to sports.
I hope you will look at each one of these scenarios and ask yourself
“Is this my child?” If the answer is yes, then it is never too late to
act and make a change.
1. It’s no longer fun
The #1 reason kids quit is because sports is no longer fun. In a
2014 study for George Washington University, researcher Amanda Visik
interviewed numerous youth athletes and asked them why they played
sports, and 9 out of 10 said the #1 reason they played was it was fun!
The children in the George Washington study defined fun as trying
their best, being treated respectfully by coaches, parents and
teammates, and getting playing time. They listed eighty-one
characteristics of fun, and winning (#48), playing tournaments (#63) and
practicing with private trainers (#66) did not finish high on the list.
If your young athletes are not having fun, they will eventually walk
away, regardless of talent or how good their team or coach is. Adults
rarely do voluntary activities such as exercise or community service
work that they do not derive enjoyment from. Why do we think our kids
will?
Solution: Your athletes are never too old, or too
talented, to answer the question “Are you enjoying yourself out there?”
Ask it! Chances are, the more they enjoy themselves,
the better they play, the more they play, and the harder they will work.
Michael Jordan had a “love of the game” clause in his professional
basketball contracts, allowing him to play pickup whenever he wanted to,
because he enjoyed playing so much.
IT HAS TO BE FUN! And if it stops being fun, you need to figure out a way to make it fun, or before you know it, early retirement!
2. They have lost ownership of the experience
I believe that that one huge factor that makes sports less fun and
leads children to pursue other interests over sport is loss of ownership
of the experience.
Just like the story of Kate above, millions of kids leave sports and
look for a place where their every action and every mistake is not
scrutinized by an adult. That is not to say there is not a place for
coaching or teaching; but good coaching does not take away autonomy. If
you doubt this, then ask yourself “
Why does the average teenage boy play 17 hours of video games a week?” A
big part of that why is there is no one standing over his shoulder critiquing every move, and demanding that he entertain them.
If you find yourself saying “we struck out 10 batters” or “we scored 3
goals” you have not allowed your child to own the experience. If you
find yourself coaching your child on every play from the sideline, and
telling him to “shoot,” “dribble” or “pass” instead of letting him make
his own decisions, you are not helping! You are stealing ownership of
the experience from your child, and in the process sucking out the
enjoyment. Would it be helpful to have your boss stand over your
shoulder and critique everything you do at work? No? Then why do we
think it helps our young athletes?
It doesn’t.
Solution: Accept your child’s goals for playing sports (
click here to get my parent-child goal setting sheet and watch my video on goal setting).
Help them find their passion, instead of trying to determine it for them. When you are watching your kid’s games, either cheer positively after a play or say nothing at all. Never yell at the referee.
If you don’t know what to say, ASK YOUR CHILD! You might be surprised at the answer.
3. They don’t get playing time
If kids are on a team, and they never get to play meaningful minutes
or get pulled out after any mistake, they are going to quit! Kids want
to play. Kids need to play. It matters little to them how good their
team is, or how famous their coach is, if they never get in and
contribute to the team. A study by the Josephean Institute found that
90% of children would rather PLAY on a losing team then SIT THE BENCH on a winning team.
Our
overemphasis on winning at younger ages
is creating an all-star culture in elementary school sports that no
longer allows children to develop at their own pace. When coaches focus
solely on wins and losses, and only play the kids who will help the team
win today, coaches drive so many kids out of sports who in the long run
would ultimately be better players. If
Major League Manager Mike Matheny could find playing time at all positions for his youth baseball team, you can too.
Solution: Coaches,
if you pick them, you need to play them,
especially at the youngest age groups. And parents, if your child is on
a team but never plays meaningful minutes despite coming to all
practices and games, ask your child if they are unhappy. If they are,
find another team when your commitment is over. The college and
professional sports world is full of athletes who were not star players
at age 11; many of them were even on the dreaded “B” team. But they got
to play, and as a result, they developed athletically, and grew to love
the game. No youth trophy is worth not playing.
4. They are afraid to make mistakes
Kids tell us that one of the main reasons they quit is because they
are afraid to make mistakes, because they get criticized, yelled at,
benched, and more. Great players develop in environments where they do
not fear mistakes, where they are encouraged to try and fail, and they
are made to understand that failure is a necessary part of the
development process.
Coaches and parents who keep a running
commentary going on the sideline, second guessing every decision and
action players take, and yelling at players for trying their best and
failing, create a culture of fear that drives players out of the game.
Solution: Embrace failure and risk taking in young
athletes. Instead of only praising the result of a successful action,
start praising what kids do immediately after a mistake. Do they hustle
and get the ball back? Do they keep trying to beat their player 1v1?
Praise the reaction to failure, and create a safe to fail environment.
5. They feel disrespected
In the 2014 George Washington study, children listed the
top five characteristics of a great coach,
and “Respect and Encouragement” came in at #1. I have never met an
adult who enjoys being disrespected by his or her friends, family or
co-workers, yet go to any sports match and you see numerous examples of
children who are being disrespected because they made a bad pass, or
missed a shot. I see ridiculous shows like “The Short Game” in which 7
year old golfers are hounded by their caddy-daddy after chunking the
same chip that a PGA pro chunked on the weekend.
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