In Nashville, Tennessee, during the first week of January, 1996, more than 4,000 baseball coaches descended upon the Opryland Hotel for the 52nd annual ABCA convention.
While I waited in line to register with the hotel staff, I heard other more veteran coaches rumbling about the lineup of speakers scheduled to present during the weekend. One name, in particular, kept resurfacing, always with the same sentiment — “John Scolinos is here? Oh man, worth every penny of my airfare.”
Who the hell is John Scolinos, I wondered. No matter, I was just happy to be there.
In 1996, Coach Scolinos was 78 years old and five years retired from a college coaching career that began in 1948. He shuffled to the stage to an impressive standing ovation, wearing dark polyester pants, a light blue shirt, and a string around his neck from which home plate hung — a full-sized, stark-white home plate.
Seriously, I wondered, who in the hell is this guy?
After speaking for twenty five minutes, not once mentioning the prop hanging around his neck, Coach Scolinos appeared to notice the snickering among some of the coaches. Even those who knew Coach Scolinos had to wonder exactly where he was going with this, or if he had simply forgotten about home plate since he’d gotten on stage.
Then, finally …
“You’re probably all wondering why I’m wearing home plate around my neck. Or maybe you think I escaped from Camarillo State Hospital,” he said, his voice growing irascible. I laughed along with the others, acknowledging the possibility. “No,” he continued, “I may be old, but I’m not crazy. The reason I stand before you today is to share with you baseball people what I’ve learned in my life, what I’ve learned about home plate in my 78 years.”
Several hands went up when Scolinos asked how many Little League coaches were in the room. “Do you know how wide home plate is in Little League?”
After a pause, someone offered, “Seventeen inches?” more of a question than answer.
“That’s right,” he said. “How about in Babe Ruth’s day? Any Babe Ruth coaches in the house?”
Another long pause.
“Seventeen inches?” came a guess from another reluctant coach.
“That’s right,” said Scolinos. “Now, how many high school coaches do we have in the room?” Hundreds of hands shot up, as the pattern began to appear.
“How wide is home plate in high school baseball?”
“Seventeen inches,” they said, sounding more confident.
“You’re right!” Scolinos barked. “And you college coaches, how wide is home plate in college?”
“Seventeen inches!” we said, in unison.
“Any Minor League coaches here? How wide is home plate in pro ball?”
“Seventeen inches!”
“RIGHT! And in the Major Leagues, how wide is home plate in the Major Leagues?”
“Seventeen inches!”
“SEV-EN-TEEN INCHES!” he confirmed, his voice bellowing off the walls. “And what do they do with a Big League pitcher who can’t throw the ball over seventeen inches?” Pause. “They send him to Pocatello !” he hollered, drawing raucous laughter.
“What they don’t do is this: they don’t say, ‘Ah, that’s okay, Jimmy. You can’t hit a seventeen-inch target? We’ll make it eighteen inches, or nineteen inches. We’ll make it twenty inches so you have a better chance of hitting it. If you can’t hit that, let us know so we can make it wider still, say twenty-five inches.'”
Pause.
“Coaches …”
Pause.
” … what do we do when our best player shows up late to practice? When our team rules forbid facial hair and a guy shows up unshaven? What if he gets caught drinking? Do we hold him accountable? Or do we change the rules to fit him. Do we widen home plate?
The chuckles gradually faded as four thousand coaches grew quiet, the fog lifting as the old coach’s message began to unfold. He turned the plate toward himself and, using a Sharpie, began to draw something. When he turned it toward the crowd, point up, a house was revealed, complete with a freshly drawn door and two windows. “This is the problem in our homes today. With our marriages, with the way we parent our kids. With our discipline. We don’t teach accountability to our kids, and there is no consequence for failing to meet standards. We simply, widen the plate!”
Pause.
Then, to the point at the top of the house he added a small American flag.
“This is the problem in our schools today. The quality of our education is going downhill fast and teachers have been stripped of the tools they need to be successful, and to educate and discipline our young people. We are allowing others to widen home plate! Where is that getting us?”
Silence.
He replaced the flag with a Cross.
“And this is the problem in the Church, where powerful people in positions of authority have taken advantage of young children, only to have such an atrocity swept under the rug for years. Our church leaders are widening home plate for themselves! And we allow it.”
“And the same is true with our government. Our so called representatives make rules for us that don’t apply to themselves. They take bribes from lobbyists and foreign countries. They no longer serve us. And we allow them to widen home plate and we see our country falling into a dark abyss while we watch.”
I was amazed. At a baseball convention where I expected to learn something about curveballs and bunting and how to run better practices, I had learned something far more valuable. From an old man with home plate strung around his neck, I had learned something about life, about myself, about my own weaknesses and about my responsibilities as a leader. I had to hold myself and others accountable to that, which I knew to be right, lest our families, our faith, and our society continue down an undesirable path.
“If I am lucky,” Coach Scolinos concluded, “you will remember one thing from this old coach today. It is this: if we fail to hold ourselves to a higher standard, a standard of what we know to be right; if we fail to hold our spouses and our children to the same standards, if we are unwilling or unable to provide a consequence when they do not meet the standard; and if our schools and churches and our government fail to hold themselves accountable to those they serve, there is but one thing to look forward to …”
With that, he held home plate in front of his chest, turned it around, and revealed its dark black backside. “… dark days ahead.”
Coach Scolinos died in 2009 at the age of 91, but not before touching the lives of hundreds of players and coaches, including mine. Meeting him at my first ABCA convention kept me returning year after year, looking for similar wisdom and inspiration from other coaches. He is the best clinic speaker the ABCA has ever known because he was so much more than a baseball coach.
His message was clear: “Coaches, keep your players—no matter how good they are—your own children, your churches, your government, and most of all, keep yourself, ALL, at seventeen inches.
Friday, August 5, 2016
Wednesday, April 20, 2016
Making Deposits in People's Life
I wanted to share with you a philosophy around feedback through PCA.
Positive Coaching Alliance recommends the 5:1 ratio of specific, truthful praise to constructive criticism or correction. This often sounds daunting to coaches who rely on pointing out changes more often than positively reinforcing behaviors, but this has worked for countless coaches at every level. Here you can see a youth soccer coach putting the Magic Ration of 5:1 into action, and you can adopt some of her strategies for your athletes.
The reason I share this with you is because I heard this communicated in a different way yesterday that resonated with me. BANK DEPOSITS.
As we invest in somebody, we are placing deposits in the bank. The investment is our oral communications to this person. When we are around this person a lot, there will come a time in which we will critique them. Think of the critique as writing a check. What happens when we write a check, and there is no money in the bank. The check bounces…… what happens when the check bounces…. the bank punishes us and we get ticked. IT IS CRUCIAL THAT WE MAKE SURE WE HAVE ENOUGH MONEY IN THE BANK TO WRITE THE CHECK. Do not forget about the low-interest rate in the savings account. The interest on one deposit is not going to cover many checks.
Here is where it starts to get tricky……. We may not be the only person writing checks from the bank. The person is spending money; friends, family, coworkers, bosses, teachers, other coaches could also be writing checks. There may need to be a lot of money in the bank to cover the checks.
I learned this the hard way running a $10/month gym. Even though the withdraw was so little, the people who did not have $10 in the bank got MAD at us. I have been screamed at multiple times!! What I taught my employees is that this is not about US, the person has other stuff going on in their life that would cause them to snap over $10. Don’t take it personally.
Bottom line, It is not about us. Make deposits in the bank so at some point, you can write a check when it is needed. Maybe this is why our teenagers tune us out. You may just need to make deposits because there are a lot of other people writing checks out of the bank. This really can be applied to all our relationships…. ESPECIALLY TO THE ONES, WE LOVE THE MOST…..
The one disclaimer…. when depositing with kids we need to be careful what we deposit. Carol Dweck, wrote a phenomenal book that changed my view on this. Focus on process not results…….
MINDSET…http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000FCKPHG/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?ie=UTF8&btkr=1
Thanks
Positive Coaching Alliance recommends the 5:1 ratio of specific, truthful praise to constructive criticism or correction. This often sounds daunting to coaches who rely on pointing out changes more often than positively reinforcing behaviors, but this has worked for countless coaches at every level. Here you can see a youth soccer coach putting the Magic Ration of 5:1 into action, and you can adopt some of her strategies for your athletes.
The reason I share this with you is because I heard this communicated in a different way yesterday that resonated with me. BANK DEPOSITS.
As we invest in somebody, we are placing deposits in the bank. The investment is our oral communications to this person. When we are around this person a lot, there will come a time in which we will critique them. Think of the critique as writing a check. What happens when we write a check, and there is no money in the bank. The check bounces…… what happens when the check bounces…. the bank punishes us and we get ticked. IT IS CRUCIAL THAT WE MAKE SURE WE HAVE ENOUGH MONEY IN THE BANK TO WRITE THE CHECK. Do not forget about the low-interest rate in the savings account. The interest on one deposit is not going to cover many checks.
Here is where it starts to get tricky……. We may not be the only person writing checks from the bank. The person is spending money; friends, family, coworkers, bosses, teachers, other coaches could also be writing checks. There may need to be a lot of money in the bank to cover the checks.
I learned this the hard way running a $10/month gym. Even though the withdraw was so little, the people who did not have $10 in the bank got MAD at us. I have been screamed at multiple times!! What I taught my employees is that this is not about US, the person has other stuff going on in their life that would cause them to snap over $10. Don’t take it personally.
Bottom line, It is not about us. Make deposits in the bank so at some point, you can write a check when it is needed. Maybe this is why our teenagers tune us out. You may just need to make deposits because there are a lot of other people writing checks out of the bank. This really can be applied to all our relationships…. ESPECIALLY TO THE ONES, WE LOVE THE MOST…..
The one disclaimer…. when depositing with kids we need to be careful what we deposit. Carol Dweck, wrote a phenomenal book that changed my view on this. Focus on process not results…….
MINDSET…http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000FCKPHG/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?ie=UTF8&btkr=1
Thanks
Monday, March 28, 2016
STOP LOOKING AT YOUR PHONE
This article got me thinking, do we give more PRESENTS because we feel guilty about our PRESENCE? Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, IPHONE, ANDROID ETC; Why are we so fascinated with other people's lives that we let our's pass us by. As a parent who has a high schooler I've learned how quickly time flies. We have the luxury of scrolling back on Facebook; we don’t have that same luxury with spending time with our loved ones.
LET'S ENJOY OUR KIDS, BE PRESENT
This article can also be found at http://changingthegameproject.com/i-love-watching-you-play/
3 Words Every Athlete Needs to Hear
By James Leath
“STOP LOOKING AT YOUR PHONE!” yells Tasha, a point guard on the 6th grade YMCA basketball team I was coaching.
Immediately, I smile and start to explain to her that I forgot my watch and I needed to make sure we were on schedule. Tasha rolled her eyes, clearly unimpressed with my response.
“No big deal,” I had thought to myself on the way to practice when I realized I forgot my watch, “I’ll use my phone.” Fifteen minutes into practice, I had pulled out my phone to make sure we were on schedule. Big mistake.
“Can you believe the nerve of that girl?” I thought. “Here I am, the volunteer head coach, staying up late watching videos on drills and strategy, planning practices on my lunch break, staying late for players who parents are delayed picking up their child…and now some kid is telling me to put my phone away when all I am doing is making sure practice is on schedule?”
Reflecting back on that practice later that night, though, I asked myself what did Tasha really want? What was she really asking for?
I realized that she was looking for the one thing kids crave more than anything else. She wanted me to be there, in that moment, in that drill, watching her and her teammates. She wanted my attention.
She didn’t simply want me to care for her, or love her, or teach her how to play the game. She wanted more.
She wanted me to see her!
Have you ever seen the movie Avatar? During the film, the Na’vi race express their affection for each other not by saying “I love you,” but by saying, “I see you.” Isn’t that beautiful? Isn’t that how we should coach our athletes? We can love someone and still be less than present at times. But to “see” someone requires us to be fully engaged and present.
When a child knows you see them, they want to impress you. Changing the Game Project Founder John O’Sullivan’s TED talk teaches parents to say five simple words to your child after a game or practice, “I love watching you play.”
The key word is watching.
Watching is being present and engaged. See the good. See the bad. And yes, it’s OK to even see the ugly. Just see all of it!
“I see you” does not mean coaching from the sideline. It does not mean constantly critiquing or second-guessing. It does not mean only pointing out mistakes. It means simply being present, engaged and watching.
“Were you watching when I made that goal?”
“Were you watching when the coach put me in?”
“Were you watching when I got fouled and the ref didn’t call it?”
“Did you see all my good passes or only the bad ones?”
We live in a world filled with distractions. We are always connected to email, to text, to social media, and have a phone on our hip 24/7. We have all been out to a nice restaurant and have seen a family at dinner, each on their own cell phone, fully immersed in Facebook, or Twitter, or texting, and not at all present with each other. We go to our doctor’s office and they are not looking at us, but typing on their computer as we speak. Eye contact and full engagement seem to be a lost art.
Kids love presents, but what they need, and what they will remember, is presence. They need to know you notice them. They need to see an example of what it means to pay attention. We set that example with our actions.
When it comes to our kids sporting events I see many parents watching every practice, or attending every single game, yet rarely are they fully present. They are watching through the lens of a camera or a smartphone, or staring at their screen instead of their athlete. I see coaches sending texts, or on the side chatting with another coach instead of coaching their players.
Our kids notice when we are distracted. That’s what Tasha was telling me. Even though my use of the phone was legitimate, I forgot that we judge ourselves by our intentions, while others judge us by our actions. How our athletes perceive our engagement is not necessarily how good our intentions are. We are judged by our kids based upon what they see us do. The message I was sending to Tasha and her teammates was one that said “I expect 100% focus, effort and commitment from you, the athlete, yet I don’t expect that of myself.”
Coaches and parents must remember that our athletes thrive not simply on love, but on being noticed. “Do you see me?” and “Watch me do this,” is child-speak for, “I want to show you I’m worthy of your affection.”
Here are 5 ways coaches and parents can make sure your athletes know “I see you”:
1. Be present
Parents, you are not required to be at every single practice or game. Your kids won’t think less of you for not being there all the time. In fact, many of them will appreciate those moments away from a parent’s attention. It allows for freedom. It tells them the experience belongs to them. But when you do go and watch, shut off your phone. Be a fan (no coaching). When you are there, be fully present.
Coaches, I cannot stress enough how important it is to be fully engaged in practice. Far too many coaches:
Fail to arrive prepared, on time, or dressed properly for practice
Stop coaching and start talking to a parent or fellow coach about unrelated issues, thereby checking out of practice
Send texts or check social media during game or practice time
Default to more scrimmage time instead of preparing and teaching
What message do you think these above actions send? Great coaching is hard work and needs your full attention before, during and after training. Your actions speak louder than words. Stay engaged, and so will your players.
2. Catch them doing something right…
…and acknowledge it both verbally and non-verbally. I had a basketball player last season that was afraid to shoot because her previous coach would yell at her when she missed. She needed consistent reassurance it was okay to shoot on her new team. After every shot, she would look over to the bench hoping to catch my gaze. Whether she missed or made the shot, she got a thumbs up from me. By the end of the season, she was my leading scorer. Research demonstrates that people perform best when they get five pieces of positive reinforcement for every one correction or critique. As World Cup and Olympic winning soccer coach Tony DiCicco states, the secret to developing successful athletes is to “catch them being good.”
3. Make it safe to fail…
…especially when you catch them doing something wrong. Athletes know when they mess up. Mistakes are inevitable. An adult’s reaction to a mistake can either encourage or hinder risk-taking. When Lionel Messi was a young player at Barcelona, he would try and dribble past four defenders, often losing the ball. Do you think his coaches yelled at him to pass? Nope. They stopped the play, gave him the ball back, and said, “Try that again.”
Coaches, if your players make a mistake, especially when they are fully focused and giving full effort, acknowledge their effort and encourage them to try again. Instead of taking them out of the game, call them to the sideline, tell them to try again, then send them back out there. That shows you trust them, and trust from a player to a coach goes a long way.
4. Connect with them about things not related to sports
A wise coach once told me “sports will be over and your athletes will have at least 2/3 of their life ahead of them. If your entire relationship consists of talking about sports, what then?” This shook me and made me realize that it was imperative to connect about things away from the field. This connection not only forms lifelong friendships, but it helps athletes perform better in two ways. First, they realize their worth is not simply just a pair of feet or some good hands, but as a human being. And second, this connection allows for a stronger relationship, one that can bear the burden of the hard truths both parents and coaches are required to discuss with the young men and women in their care.
5. Give them ownership of the outcome
World-renowned sport psychologist Dr. Jerry Lynch speaks of the three questions a coach should ask at halftime of a game. (1) What is working? (2) What is not working? And (3) How can we fix it? Do you see how these questions help players take ownership of the good, the bad, and the solution? By allowing them to have some input your players will compete harder because you have acknowledged their ideas and their input, and they are trying to execute their solution. You have seen them.As a parent, you do this by accepting your child’s goals for playing and letting the experience belong to them. Push them toward their goals, not your own, and when they succeed, remind them it was their effort that brought success.
Kids are not mini-adults, and, therefore, do not possess adult emotions, values, or priorities. Yet one thing they do have in common with adults is they want to be acknowledged. They want to be noticed when they get it right and told its OK when they get it wrong. They do not need to be coddled, but they do need a safe place to fail. When you do these things, your athletes will compete harder, take ownership, and excel.
That is why we must be very intentional about the things we do when we are watching our kids play, and especially when we are coaching them.
That’s why we must remember that any parent or coach can tell a child “I love watching you play.”
Great parenting and coaching emphasizes the WATCHING, and letting the child know that yes, “I see you.” Seeing them makes all the difference.
LET'S ENJOY OUR KIDS, BE PRESENT
This article can also be found at http://changingthegameproject.com/i-love-watching-you-play/
3 Words Every Athlete Needs to Hear
By James Leath
“STOP LOOKING AT YOUR PHONE!” yells Tasha, a point guard on the 6th grade YMCA basketball team I was coaching.
Immediately, I smile and start to explain to her that I forgot my watch and I needed to make sure we were on schedule. Tasha rolled her eyes, clearly unimpressed with my response.
“No big deal,” I had thought to myself on the way to practice when I realized I forgot my watch, “I’ll use my phone.” Fifteen minutes into practice, I had pulled out my phone to make sure we were on schedule. Big mistake.
“Can you believe the nerve of that girl?” I thought. “Here I am, the volunteer head coach, staying up late watching videos on drills and strategy, planning practices on my lunch break, staying late for players who parents are delayed picking up their child…and now some kid is telling me to put my phone away when all I am doing is making sure practice is on schedule?”
Reflecting back on that practice later that night, though, I asked myself what did Tasha really want? What was she really asking for?
I realized that she was looking for the one thing kids crave more than anything else. She wanted me to be there, in that moment, in that drill, watching her and her teammates. She wanted my attention.
She didn’t simply want me to care for her, or love her, or teach her how to play the game. She wanted more.
She wanted me to see her!
Have you ever seen the movie Avatar? During the film, the Na’vi race express their affection for each other not by saying “I love you,” but by saying, “I see you.” Isn’t that beautiful? Isn’t that how we should coach our athletes? We can love someone and still be less than present at times. But to “see” someone requires us to be fully engaged and present.
When a child knows you see them, they want to impress you. Changing the Game Project Founder John O’Sullivan’s TED talk teaches parents to say five simple words to your child after a game or practice, “I love watching you play.”
The key word is watching.
Watching is being present and engaged. See the good. See the bad. And yes, it’s OK to even see the ugly. Just see all of it!
“I see you” does not mean coaching from the sideline. It does not mean constantly critiquing or second-guessing. It does not mean only pointing out mistakes. It means simply being present, engaged and watching.
“Were you watching when I made that goal?”
“Were you watching when the coach put me in?”
“Were you watching when I got fouled and the ref didn’t call it?”
“Did you see all my good passes or only the bad ones?”
We live in a world filled with distractions. We are always connected to email, to text, to social media, and have a phone on our hip 24/7. We have all been out to a nice restaurant and have seen a family at dinner, each on their own cell phone, fully immersed in Facebook, or Twitter, or texting, and not at all present with each other. We go to our doctor’s office and they are not looking at us, but typing on their computer as we speak. Eye contact and full engagement seem to be a lost art.
Kids love presents, but what they need, and what they will remember, is presence. They need to know you notice them. They need to see an example of what it means to pay attention. We set that example with our actions.When it comes to our kids sporting events I see many parents watching every practice, or attending every single game, yet rarely are they fully present. They are watching through the lens of a camera or a smartphone, or staring at their screen instead of their athlete. I see coaches sending texts, or on the side chatting with another coach instead of coaching their players.
Our kids notice when we are distracted. That’s what Tasha was telling me. Even though my use of the phone was legitimate, I forgot that we judge ourselves by our intentions, while others judge us by our actions. How our athletes perceive our engagement is not necessarily how good our intentions are. We are judged by our kids based upon what they see us do. The message I was sending to Tasha and her teammates was one that said “I expect 100% focus, effort and commitment from you, the athlete, yet I don’t expect that of myself.”
Coaches and parents must remember that our athletes thrive not simply on love, but on being noticed. “Do you see me?” and “Watch me do this,” is child-speak for, “I want to show you I’m worthy of your affection.”
Here are 5 ways coaches and parents can make sure your athletes know “I see you”:
1. Be present
Parents, you are not required to be at every single practice or game. Your kids won’t think less of you for not being there all the time. In fact, many of them will appreciate those moments away from a parent’s attention. It allows for freedom. It tells them the experience belongs to them. But when you do go and watch, shut off your phone. Be a fan (no coaching). When you are there, be fully present.
Coaches, I cannot stress enough how important it is to be fully engaged in practice. Far too many coaches:
Fail to arrive prepared, on time, or dressed properly for practice
Stop coaching and start talking to a parent or fellow coach about unrelated issues, thereby checking out of practice
Send texts or check social media during game or practice time
Default to more scrimmage time instead of preparing and teaching
What message do you think these above actions send? Great coaching is hard work and needs your full attention before, during and after training. Your actions speak louder than words. Stay engaged, and so will your players.
2. Catch them doing something right…
…and acknowledge it both verbally and non-verbally. I had a basketball player last season that was afraid to shoot because her previous coach would yell at her when she missed. She needed consistent reassurance it was okay to shoot on her new team. After every shot, she would look over to the bench hoping to catch my gaze. Whether she missed or made the shot, she got a thumbs up from me. By the end of the season, she was my leading scorer. Research demonstrates that people perform best when they get five pieces of positive reinforcement for every one correction or critique. As World Cup and Olympic winning soccer coach Tony DiCicco states, the secret to developing successful athletes is to “catch them being good.”
3. Make it safe to fail…
…especially when you catch them doing something wrong. Athletes know when they mess up. Mistakes are inevitable. An adult’s reaction to a mistake can either encourage or hinder risk-taking. When Lionel Messi was a young player at Barcelona, he would try and dribble past four defenders, often losing the ball. Do you think his coaches yelled at him to pass? Nope. They stopped the play, gave him the ball back, and said, “Try that again.”
Coaches, if your players make a mistake, especially when they are fully focused and giving full effort, acknowledge their effort and encourage them to try again. Instead of taking them out of the game, call them to the sideline, tell them to try again, then send them back out there. That shows you trust them, and trust from a player to a coach goes a long way.
4. Connect with them about things not related to sports
A wise coach once told me “sports will be over and your athletes will have at least 2/3 of their life ahead of them. If your entire relationship consists of talking about sports, what then?” This shook me and made me realize that it was imperative to connect about things away from the field. This connection not only forms lifelong friendships, but it helps athletes perform better in two ways. First, they realize their worth is not simply just a pair of feet or some good hands, but as a human being. And second, this connection allows for a stronger relationship, one that can bear the burden of the hard truths both parents and coaches are required to discuss with the young men and women in their care.
5. Give them ownership of the outcome
World-renowned sport psychologist Dr. Jerry Lynch speaks of the three questions a coach should ask at halftime of a game. (1) What is working? (2) What is not working? And (3) How can we fix it? Do you see how these questions help players take ownership of the good, the bad, and the solution? By allowing them to have some input your players will compete harder because you have acknowledged their ideas and their input, and they are trying to execute their solution. You have seen them.As a parent, you do this by accepting your child’s goals for playing and letting the experience belong to them. Push them toward their goals, not your own, and when they succeed, remind them it was their effort that brought success.
Kids are not mini-adults, and, therefore, do not possess adult emotions, values, or priorities. Yet one thing they do have in common with adults is they want to be acknowledged. They want to be noticed when they get it right and told its OK when they get it wrong. They do not need to be coddled, but they do need a safe place to fail. When you do these things, your athletes will compete harder, take ownership, and excel.
That is why we must be very intentional about the things we do when we are watching our kids play, and especially when we are coaching them.
That’s why we must remember that any parent or coach can tell a child “I love watching you play.”
Great parenting and coaching emphasizes the WATCHING, and letting the child know that yes, “I see you.” Seeing them makes all the difference.
Wednesday, December 16, 2015
HOW TO HANDLE YOUTH GOALIES
As an ex-goalie, father of two goalies, goalie coach
for youth hockey for seven years, ex-baseball player and business owner that
knows what failure looks and feels like, we as youth hockey coaches, need to do
a better job of managing the most important position on the ice. The Goalie!
What I have seen first hand, and have heard through
the perennial hockey grape vine, it is no wonder we have such difficulty filling this position. Goaltending is a position like no
other in hockey. To paraphrase Yogi Berra, "Goaltending is ninety percent
mental, and the other half is physical." It is time to step out of the
dark ages and evolve our mentality around the
goaltending position.
How I would evolve the position:
Squirt Hockey- "Change on the Fly"
(NHL GOALIE'S CHANGING ON THE FLY https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WKCpbB6bDns)
1. Rotate goalies every 4-5
minutes (depends on the period length, 4 min for 12 min period and 5 min for 15
min periods). YES, that means "changing on the fly" in the 1st
and 3rd periods.
Here are some potential benefits for "changing on
the fly"
a. It allows the goalie to feel like
they are a part of the team. For example, if they make a couple of big
saves during their “shift” they come to the bench to receive high fives!
If they struggle during their “shift” you can use this time for a pep
talk.
b. As a goalie parent, your child is
playing every game. With this approach, you won't be driving 30 miles to watch
your kid sit on the bench.
c. The goalie plays in every game-
Championship games, blow outs, tight games, etc.
d. They are more engaged during the
game. They do not 'check out' like they would in the one game on, one game off
system.
e. They stay warm during the whole
game. This method is superior to playing a ½ game.
f. If there is a
significant skill gap between your goalies it can give your team a competitive
chance every game, not only every second game.
When my oldest was a squirt, we “changed on the fly.”
I loved it, the kids loved it. The other goalie's parents...... not
so much... but they allowed me to run with it. Since there was a skill gap
between the two goalies it worked in our teams favor. We were competitive
every game!
Here is the typical argument you will get if you
decide to “change on the fly.”
- The goalies will never do this at
high school so why are they doing this now?
o BECAUSE THEY ARE 9-10 YEARS OLD
- You are hurting the goalies
“development” they need to learn to focus for a whole game.
o ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I KNOW
MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL PLAYERS THAT COULDN'T FOCUS FOR ONE INNING, LET ALONE AN
ENTIRE GAME AND YOU WANT A 9 YEAR OLD TO FOCUS FOR A WHOLE GAME? "CHANGE
ON THE FLY" IS ACTUALLY TEACHING THEM BETTER FOCUS HABITS. THEY ARE BEING
TRAINED TO FOCUS IN AND FOCUS OUT.
- The goalie needs to learn to “OWN”
their game.
o NO, THE GOALIE NEEDS TO FEEL A
PART OF A TEAM. THE GOALIE NEEDS TO LEARN HOW TO HANDLE AS MANY DIFFERENT
SITUATIONS AS POSSIBLE. LEARNING TO OWN "THEIR" GAME CAN COME
LATER IN THEIR YOUTH HOCKEY CAREER.
If changing on the fly in too much for you, please
consider having your non-playing goalie skate out on the games they are not
playing. As far as after squirts, I would like to see the first year Pee Wee
goalie rotate every period. Second year Pee-Wee and above play the full games.
WHEN AND HOW DO I PULL A GOALIE?
This has been one of my biggest pet peeves in youth
hockey. Here is what I don't understand, in a culture that says it is not okay
to sit a player for multiple periods due to the performance of their teammates
why is it ok to take a game away from a goalie because of others performance?
Why is it ok to sit a player for a couple of shifts because of
performance but a goalie is removed for a whole game? The biggest
travesty here is that the GOALIE IS THE MOST IMPORTANT POSITION ON THE ICE.
So why don’t we spend more time understanding how to get the most out of
this player?
If you use the “change on the fly” goalie rotation for
squirts, you will not have to worry about pulling a goalie. Pulling a
goalie at squirts and pee-wee should not happen. The only time I could see this
happen is if the goalie is emotional and spiraling out of control. At
times, in bantam and high school, you may feel it is warranted to pull a
goalie. If you feel that you have no choice but to pull your goalie,
below are some suggestions on how to go about doing this.
1. TRY NOT TO PULL THEM RIGHT AFTER
A GOAL. Tell the team to get another face off right away. When you
pull the goalie, take him/her out for A COUPLE OF SHIFTS to regain their
composure. Use this time build them up. Use wording like,
"I know you can do this", "This is your game",
"I need you to dig down and finish this game", "Go
for it". Give them a SIMPLE plan, for example, “I want to see you
challenge the shooters, get out to the top of your crease and attack them”
DO NOT FOCUS ON WHAT THEY ARE DOING WRONG! STAY AWAY FROM SAYING
"DON’T DO THIS OR DON’T DO THAT"
See how they respond when they go back out on the ice.
If they look like they are battling then you have done your job well.
If they continue to struggle, then you will have to make a decision. What
is the best thing to do for your goalie? Take them out of the situation or let
them battle through it, this is bigger than the game, the wins and losses.
Developing resilience, tenacity, and intestinal fortitude are life skills that
will serve them better than stopping pucks.
Friday, November 27, 2015
The Secret Ingredient of Great Coaching
This is a great article on coaching
http://changingthegameproject.com/the-secret-ingredient-of-great-coaching/
John O'Sullivan has many more of these kind of articles.
http://www.changingthegameproject.com
“Do you think your players lost all their skill?” I asked? “Do you think they forgot how to play?”
“Of course not,” said the coach.
“Too many coaches think that performance is all about X’s and O’s,” I responded. “It’s much more than that.”
Many coaches think that coaching is an X’s and O’s business, but in reality it is a relationship business. The secret to great coaching and a successful performance by one’s team isn’t simply technique, or tactics, or fitness.
In fact, it comes down to a simple formula:
Performance = (Potential + Behavior) – Interference
(I came up with this equation after combining the definition of performance from two highly recommended books, Timothy Gallway’s The Inner Game of Tennis and James Kerr’s Legacy, which details the 2x defending world champion New Zealand All Blacks’ incredible success in rugby.)
Most coaches only look at potential and behavior (genetics, hours and quality of practice, attitude, coaching, fitness, etc.). These are incredibly important components, but they are not the whole equation.
Far too many coaches ignore the second half of the equation, interference.
Think of interference as the static on the radio during your favorite song. You know the song is great because you have heard it before. The lyrics are the same and the rhythm has not changed, but the song is not being heard in its best form. It is not the song’s fault- it is the radio station connection. In that moment you lose faith in the station’s ability to deliver the song in it’s best form. In other words, you no longer trust the radio station.
How does this relate to coaching to parenting, and to developing high-performing athletes?
Trust is the secret ingredient of great coaching.
It is foundation of all great teams and all great relationships. Players cannot consistently perform their best if they do not trust their coaches, their parents and their teammates, and in-turn feel they are trusted.
Parents cannot give their kids ownership and release their children to the sport unless they trust their kids, and their coaches.
Coaches cannot get the most out of their athletes and teams unless they trust them to perform and earn their athlete’s trust in the process.
Trust is the secret ingredient of athletic success.
As Warren Buffett so eloquently states, “Trust is like the air we breathe. When it’s present no one notices and when it’s absent everyone can see it.”
Doesn’t this perfectly describe the athletes and teams you see on a weekly basis?
High trust teams and athletes are fun to watch, and even more fun to coach. In his excellent book The Speed of Trust, Steven R Covey discusses the characteristics of high trust teams, such as:
Coaches, you must be intentional about building trust among your teams if you want to build programs that enjoy sustained success. Every one of your players needs something different from you and it is your job to seek out how to serve them in order for them to be able to perform at their best ability (see John Wooden’s definition of success) . Some need technique, some need tactics, some need discipline, and some need encouragement. To build trust with each of them you must first spend the time to get to know each athlete. Once you have gained their trust by giving them why they need, only then will those players play their hearts out for you, for their teammates, and for themselves— not because they have to, but because they want to!
How to Build Trust
The critical first step for coaches is to be worthy of trust from their athletes. They must coach the person, not the sport. And they must realize that trust is not solely built upon their ability to teach X’s ad O’s.
In their amazing book Trust Works, authors Ken Blanchard, Cynthia Olmstead and Martha Lawrence outline the four components of trust, the ABCD’s as they call them:
If your accountant was great at math and knew all the accounting laws, but filed your tax return late (lack of dependability), would you trust him?
If your doctor stared at the computer screen the whole time during your visit, ignored your complaints, didn’t care about your ailments (lack of connection), and then prescribed you medication would you trust her?
Of course not.
If you want to see the four components of trust in action, watch this short video of Georgia Football Coach Mark Richt, as he talks with his kicker before an attempt at a game winning field goal.
Can you see how he instills trust? Can you see how he connects, how he follows through on his core values, and more? Can you see how this type of behavior will allow your athletes the best chance at success?
Coaches, we must understand and accept that we will not be trusted, no matter how much we know, until parents and athletes know how much we care,
We must treat athletes fairly, act with integrity, and follow through on the things we say we will do. Those are the ABCD’s of trust that we must earn; there is no way around it.
To conclude, take a few minutes and watch this amazing TEDx talk by Coach Reed Maltbie, on “The Lasting Power of a Coach’s Words.” Reed is one of the brand new members of our speaking team here at the Changing the Game Project, and we are so honored that he will be helping us to bring about important changes in youth sports. His talk is amazing!
Please share this article and Coach Reed’s talk with coaches you know, and with the organizations that your kids play for.
Please help us to restore trust in our coaches, our parents, our athletes, and our organizations.
Only with trust can we build an environment that serves the needs, values and priorities of our kids, and truly change the game.
http://changingthegameproject.com/the-secret-ingredient-of-great-coaching/
John O'Sullivan has many more of these kind of articles.
http://www.changingthegameproject.com
The Secret Ingredient of Great Coaching
“I just can’t figure it out,” an exasperated coach said to me recently. “One day we are flying around the field, and the next it looks like we’ve never played together before. Why does this happen?”“Do you think your players lost all their skill?” I asked? “Do you think they forgot how to play?”
“Of course not,” said the coach.
“Too many coaches think that performance is all about X’s and O’s,” I responded. “It’s much more than that.”
Many coaches think that coaching is an X’s and O’s business, but in reality it is a relationship business. The secret to great coaching and a successful performance by one’s team isn’t simply technique, or tactics, or fitness.
In fact, it comes down to a simple formula:
Performance = (Potential + Behavior) – Interference
(I came up with this equation after combining the definition of performance from two highly recommended books, Timothy Gallway’s The Inner Game of Tennis and James Kerr’s Legacy, which details the 2x defending world champion New Zealand All Blacks’ incredible success in rugby.)
Most coaches only look at potential and behavior (genetics, hours and quality of practice, attitude, coaching, fitness, etc.). These are incredibly important components, but they are not the whole equation.
Far too many coaches ignore the second half of the equation, interference.
Think of interference as the static on the radio during your favorite song. You know the song is great because you have heard it before. The lyrics are the same and the rhythm has not changed, but the song is not being heard in its best form. It is not the song’s fault- it is the radio station connection. In that moment you lose faith in the station’s ability to deliver the song in it’s best form. In other words, you no longer trust the radio station.
How does this relate to coaching to parenting, and to developing high-performing athletes?
Trust is the secret ingredient of great coaching.
It is foundation of all great teams and all great relationships. Players cannot consistently perform their best if they do not trust their coaches, their parents and their teammates, and in-turn feel they are trusted.
Parents cannot give their kids ownership and release their children to the sport unless they trust their kids, and their coaches.
Coaches cannot get the most out of their athletes and teams unless they trust them to perform and earn their athlete’s trust in the process.
Trust is the secret ingredient of athletic success.
As Warren Buffett so eloquently states, “Trust is like the air we breathe. When it’s present no one notices and when it’s absent everyone can see it.”
Doesn’t this perfectly describe the athletes and teams you see on a weekly basis?
High trust teams and athletes are fun to watch, and even more fun to coach. In his excellent book The Speed of Trust, Steven R Covey discusses the characteristics of high trust teams, such as:
- Common purpose and values
- Respect
- Commitment
- Resiliency
- Love which decreases fear
- Fewer discipline problems
- Intrinsically motivated athletes
- Celebrate each others success
- Lack of a shared vision
- Lack of respect
- Varying levels of commitment
- Lots of finger pointing
- Pursuit of individual goals over team goals
- A lack of love, which creates fear
Coaches, you must be intentional about building trust among your teams if you want to build programs that enjoy sustained success. Every one of your players needs something different from you and it is your job to seek out how to serve them in order for them to be able to perform at their best ability (see John Wooden’s definition of success) . Some need technique, some need tactics, some need discipline, and some need encouragement. To build trust with each of them you must first spend the time to get to know each athlete. Once you have gained their trust by giving them why they need, only then will those players play their hearts out for you, for their teammates, and for themselves— not because they have to, but because they want to!
How to Build Trust
The critical first step for coaches is to be worthy of trust from their athletes. They must coach the person, not the sport. And they must realize that trust is not solely built upon their ability to teach X’s ad O’s.
In their amazing book Trust Works, authors Ken Blanchard, Cynthia Olmstead and Martha Lawrence outline the four components of trust, the ABCD’s as they call them:
- Ability: your knowledge and competency to get the job done
- Believability: do you act with integrity and treat people fairly
- Connectedness: do you show empathy, love your athletes, and care about them as people first, and athletes second?
- Dependability: do you follow through on what you say, and hold yourself and everyone else accountable?
If your accountant was great at math and knew all the accounting laws, but filed your tax return late (lack of dependability), would you trust him?
If your doctor stared at the computer screen the whole time during your visit, ignored your complaints, didn’t care about your ailments (lack of connection), and then prescribed you medication would you trust her?
Of course not.
If you want to see the four components of trust in action, watch this short video of Georgia Football Coach Mark Richt, as he talks with his kicker before an attempt at a game winning field goal.
Can you see how he instills trust? Can you see how he connects, how he follows through on his core values, and more? Can you see how this type of behavior will allow your athletes the best chance at success?
Coaches, we must understand and accept that we will not be trusted, no matter how much we know, until parents and athletes know how much we care,
We must treat athletes fairly, act with integrity, and follow through on the things we say we will do. Those are the ABCD’s of trust that we must earn; there is no way around it.
To conclude, take a few minutes and watch this amazing TEDx talk by Coach Reed Maltbie, on “The Lasting Power of a Coach’s Words.” Reed is one of the brand new members of our speaking team here at the Changing the Game Project, and we are so honored that he will be helping us to bring about important changes in youth sports. His talk is amazing!
Please share this article and Coach Reed’s talk with coaches you know, and with the organizations that your kids play for.
Please help us to restore trust in our coaches, our parents, our athletes, and our organizations.
Only with trust can we build an environment that serves the needs, values and priorities of our kids, and truly change the game.
Thursday, October 29, 2015
For those of you that don't know me, my name is Corey Koskie, and I have four boys that play multiple sports. I have coached all levels of youth sports and have played most every level of baseball and hockey. Over the last four years, I have been trying to realign the youth sports mentality with the bigger purpose of sports; As an important tool for the social and physical development of our children. Throughout the year, I will pass on what I feel are impactful articles that are helping me in my journey.
Because of my athletic background I was lucky enough to spend 20 years of my life with the best in the world at their respective sport. A takeaway for me is that we all had a unique story. 99% of us had parents and coaches that encouraged, fostered autonomy, did not micromanage and criticize. They allowed the game to teach us. When it beat us up; they would come along side put their arm around us and help us get back up. My parents made me feel special because I was their child. They did not allow me to feel like I was their "special child" because of the abilities. The cold reality is .00025% of the kids that play, have or had my abilities, yet 95% of the parents treat their child like that "special child". This mindset leads to selfish behavior not only for the players but the adults(coaches and parents). The below article is just as relevant for us, as it is for our children. Entitlement is a learned trait, and we are becoming more entitled as a society. We have become really good at pointing the entitlement finger at certain social-economic groups. But the reality is we all are selfish; we all feel entitled at some point. As adults, we can be really good at fooling ourselves. Coaches and parents are lying to themselves about what is "best" for the kids when in reality the coaches and parents want to win, so they feel good about themselves.
When reading this article think about how you can be a more selfless teammate, with your spouse, in your work environment, friends and how you can model selflessness for your children.
The One Quality Great Teammates Have in Common
Posted In Leadership, Messages for Kids, Motivation, Team Culture
By John O’Sullivan
“Coach, can I talk to you?”
“Sure,” I said. “What’s on your mind today Michael?”
“Well, I just want to know what I can do so I get to start more games and get more playing time as a center midfielder. I don’t think I am showing my best as a winger, and my parents tell me I am not going to get noticed by the college scouts unless something changes.”
Well Michael,” I said, “there is something that all coaches are looking for from the players they recruit. In fact, it is exactly what I am looking for from you as well. If you approach every practice, every fitness session, and every match with this one thing, I think you will see a huge improvement in your play, regardless of where you play. Interested?”
“Of course, coach. What is it?”
I waited a moment before I answered to make sure he was listening.
“You have to stop asking what you can get, and start asking what you can give. You must serve.”
Michael furrowed his brow as he tried to process what I told him.
“You want me to serve the team, like with food?”
I smiled, “No Michael, serving others is the one thing that unites successful people, from friends to employees to athletes to business owners. The great ones know that to be more they must become more, and to become more they must serve others.”
“So, you are saying that instead of asking what I can get from the team, I should be asking what I can give to the team?”
I wanted to leap out of my chair and hug him.
Michael got it. It’s not about him. It’s not about me. It’s about service. The tool that would eventually earn him more playing time and increase his chances of playing in college serving others by focusing upon what he could give, instead of what he could get.
My great friend and coaching mentor Dr. Jerry Lynch is the founder of Way of Champions is the winner of 34 NCAA titles and one NBA World Championship as a sport psychologist and consultant. He calls this paradigm-shifting question the most effective question an athlete can ask, and an attitude that every coach must try and instill in his or her team.
We live in a world these days where self-centeredness and a ‘what’s in it for me” attitude of entitlement is far too prevalent. In the age of the selfie, Instagram, Facebook and a million other ways to say “look at me,” the concept of teamwork and the importance of service to others has gotten lost in the shuffle.
This is very sad, because service to others is the exact thing that athletes need to not only become elite performers, but the type of athlete that coaches look for, celebrate, and fight over at the next level. Do you want to stand out from the crowd?
Start by serving everyone in that crowd.
Far too many athletes bring the attitude of “what do I get” to practice and games. They want to know how they can:
Get to start
Get more playing time
Get to play my favorite position
Get to score all the points/goals
Get to work hard when I want to
Get to show up (physically and mentally) when I feel like it
Get to give less than my best because I am an upperclassman
Get attention as the star player
Sadly, this is the path to short-term satisfaction, at the expense of long-term development and high-level performance. This attitude does not promote success; it inhibits growth on and off the field, the court, and the ice.
If you want your athletes to perform at their very best, whether you are a parent or coach, then you must get them the right question.
What can I give?
Athletes who ask themselves what they can give bring “I can give/I can do” attitudes and actions to the table for their teams. The can actually “get” everything they are looking for simply by starting with the following service oriented ideas:
I can give my best effort in practice and games
I can give my team a positive attitude no matter what the circumstances
I can give my team a boost no matter how many minutes I play
I can give my team a better chance to win no matter what position I play
I can do the dirty work so my teammate can score the goal and get the glory
I can sacrifice my personal ambitions for the better of the group
I can lead by example
I can be an example of our core values in action
As a coach, I used to think that the most important thing was to have my best players be my hardest workers. But now I realize that isn’t enough. Being a hard worker can still be a selfish pursuit.
No, the most important thing as a coach is to have a team that all ask “what can I give,” especially when it come to your captains, your upperclassmen, and your most talented athletes. You must teach them that the selfish attitude may once in a while lead to success, but the selfless attitude leads to excellence, celebrates the success of others, and makes you the type of athlete that EVERY COACH wants on his or her team.
The most successful sports team in the professional era is not the NY Yankees, or the Boston Celtics, or Real Madrid, but a team from a far less known sport. It is the New Zealand All Blacks in rugby, who have an astonishing 86% winning percentage and numerous championships to their name. In the outstanding book about the All Blacks called Legacy, author James Kerr discusses one of their core values that epitomizes the selfless attitude.
It’s called “Sweep the Shed.”
You see the goal of every All Blacks player is to leave the national team shirt in a better place than when he got it. His goal is to contribute to the legacy by doing his part to grow the game and keep the team progressing every single day.
In order to do so, the players realize that you must remain humble, and that no one is too big or too famous to do the little things required each and every day to get better. You must eat right. You must sleep well. You must take care of yourself on and off the field. You must train hard. You must sacrifice your own goals for the greater good and a higher purpose.
You must sweep the shed.
After each match, played in front of 60,000 plus fans, in front of millions on TV, after the camera crews have left, and the coaches are done speaking, when the eyes of the world have turned elsewhere, there is still a locker room to be cleaned.
By the players!
That’s right, after each and every game the All Blacks leading players take turns sweeping the locker room of every last piece of grass, tape, and mud. In the words of Kerr: “Sweeping the sheds. Doing it properly. So no one else has to. Because no one looks after the All Blacks. The All Blacks look after themselves.”
They leave the locker room in a better place than they got it. They leave the shirt in a better place than they got it. They are not there to get. They are there to give.
If you are a coach, recognize that by intentionally creating a culture where players seek to give instead if get, you will have a team that not only develops excellence on and off the field but is a team that is much more enjoyable to coach. Create a culture that rewards the 95% who are willing to give, and weeds out the 5% who are trying to get. When you do, the “getters” will stick out like a player who is vomiting: he feels better and everyone else feels sick. Eventually, he will get on board, or be thrown off the ship.
Parents, teach your children to be teammates who give. It will not only serve them well in athletics; it will serve them well in life.
For as former NY Yankee great Don Mattingly so eloquently stated:
“Then at one point in my career, something wonderful happened. I don’t know why or how . . . but I came to understand what “team” meant. It meant that although I didn’t get a hit or make a great defensive play, I could impact the team in an incredible and consistent way. I learned I could impact the team in an incredible and consistent way. I learned I could impact my team by caring first and foremost about the team’s success and not my own. I don’t mean by rooting for us like a typical fan. Fans are fickle. I mean CARE, really care about the team . . . about “US.”
Mattingly continued: “I became less selfish, less lazy, less sensitive to negative comments. When I gave up me, I became more. I became a captain, a leader, a better person and I came to understand that life is a team game. And you know what? I’ve found most people aren’t team players. They don’t realize that life is the only game in town. Someone should tell them. It has made all the difference in the world to me.”
Please share this article with an athlete or a team that matters to you. Encourage, no implore them to take Don Mattingly’s advice, to take the All Blacks advice. Come to prepared to compete, and to be a “giver” and not a “getter.”
You will stand out.
You will be a difference maker.
And you will get everything you want by giving full of yourself, and helping everyone else get what they want.
It changes everything.
For more great articles like this click the below link.
http://changingthegameproject.com/the-one-quality-great-teammates-have-in-common/
Because of my athletic background I was lucky enough to spend 20 years of my life with the best in the world at their respective sport. A takeaway for me is that we all had a unique story. 99% of us had parents and coaches that encouraged, fostered autonomy, did not micromanage and criticize. They allowed the game to teach us. When it beat us up; they would come along side put their arm around us and help us get back up. My parents made me feel special because I was their child. They did not allow me to feel like I was their "special child" because of the abilities. The cold reality is .00025% of the kids that play, have or had my abilities, yet 95% of the parents treat their child like that "special child". This mindset leads to selfish behavior not only for the players but the adults(coaches and parents). The below article is just as relevant for us, as it is for our children. Entitlement is a learned trait, and we are becoming more entitled as a society. We have become really good at pointing the entitlement finger at certain social-economic groups. But the reality is we all are selfish; we all feel entitled at some point. As adults, we can be really good at fooling ourselves. Coaches and parents are lying to themselves about what is "best" for the kids when in reality the coaches and parents want to win, so they feel good about themselves.
When reading this article think about how you can be a more selfless teammate, with your spouse, in your work environment, friends and how you can model selflessness for your children.
The One Quality Great Teammates Have in Common
Posted In Leadership, Messages for Kids, Motivation, Team Culture
By John O’Sullivan
“Coach, can I talk to you?”
“Sure,” I said. “What’s on your mind today Michael?”
“Well, I just want to know what I can do so I get to start more games and get more playing time as a center midfielder. I don’t think I am showing my best as a winger, and my parents tell me I am not going to get noticed by the college scouts unless something changes.”
Well Michael,” I said, “there is something that all coaches are looking for from the players they recruit. In fact, it is exactly what I am looking for from you as well. If you approach every practice, every fitness session, and every match with this one thing, I think you will see a huge improvement in your play, regardless of where you play. Interested?”
“Of course, coach. What is it?”
I waited a moment before I answered to make sure he was listening.
“You have to stop asking what you can get, and start asking what you can give. You must serve.”
Michael furrowed his brow as he tried to process what I told him.
“You want me to serve the team, like with food?”
I smiled, “No Michael, serving others is the one thing that unites successful people, from friends to employees to athletes to business owners. The great ones know that to be more they must become more, and to become more they must serve others.”
“So, you are saying that instead of asking what I can get from the team, I should be asking what I can give to the team?”
I wanted to leap out of my chair and hug him.
Michael got it. It’s not about him. It’s not about me. It’s about service. The tool that would eventually earn him more playing time and increase his chances of playing in college serving others by focusing upon what he could give, instead of what he could get.
My great friend and coaching mentor Dr. Jerry Lynch is the founder of Way of Champions is the winner of 34 NCAA titles and one NBA World Championship as a sport psychologist and consultant. He calls this paradigm-shifting question the most effective question an athlete can ask, and an attitude that every coach must try and instill in his or her team.
We live in a world these days where self-centeredness and a ‘what’s in it for me” attitude of entitlement is far too prevalent. In the age of the selfie, Instagram, Facebook and a million other ways to say “look at me,” the concept of teamwork and the importance of service to others has gotten lost in the shuffle.
This is very sad, because service to others is the exact thing that athletes need to not only become elite performers, but the type of athlete that coaches look for, celebrate, and fight over at the next level. Do you want to stand out from the crowd?
Start by serving everyone in that crowd.
Far too many athletes bring the attitude of “what do I get” to practice and games. They want to know how they can:
Get to start
Get more playing time
Get to play my favorite position
Get to score all the points/goals
Get to work hard when I want to
Get to show up (physically and mentally) when I feel like it
Get to give less than my best because I am an upperclassman
Get attention as the star player
Sadly, this is the path to short-term satisfaction, at the expense of long-term development and high-level performance. This attitude does not promote success; it inhibits growth on and off the field, the court, and the ice.
If you want your athletes to perform at their very best, whether you are a parent or coach, then you must get them the right question.
What can I give?
Athletes who ask themselves what they can give bring “I can give/I can do” attitudes and actions to the table for their teams. The can actually “get” everything they are looking for simply by starting with the following service oriented ideas:
I can give my best effort in practice and games
I can give my team a positive attitude no matter what the circumstances
I can give my team a boost no matter how many minutes I play
I can give my team a better chance to win no matter what position I play
I can do the dirty work so my teammate can score the goal and get the glory
I can sacrifice my personal ambitions for the better of the group
I can lead by example
I can be an example of our core values in action
As a coach, I used to think that the most important thing was to have my best players be my hardest workers. But now I realize that isn’t enough. Being a hard worker can still be a selfish pursuit.
No, the most important thing as a coach is to have a team that all ask “what can I give,” especially when it come to your captains, your upperclassmen, and your most talented athletes. You must teach them that the selfish attitude may once in a while lead to success, but the selfless attitude leads to excellence, celebrates the success of others, and makes you the type of athlete that EVERY COACH wants on his or her team.
The most successful sports team in the professional era is not the NY Yankees, or the Boston Celtics, or Real Madrid, but a team from a far less known sport. It is the New Zealand All Blacks in rugby, who have an astonishing 86% winning percentage and numerous championships to their name. In the outstanding book about the All Blacks called Legacy, author James Kerr discusses one of their core values that epitomizes the selfless attitude.
It’s called “Sweep the Shed.”
You see the goal of every All Blacks player is to leave the national team shirt in a better place than when he got it. His goal is to contribute to the legacy by doing his part to grow the game and keep the team progressing every single day.
In order to do so, the players realize that you must remain humble, and that no one is too big or too famous to do the little things required each and every day to get better. You must eat right. You must sleep well. You must take care of yourself on and off the field. You must train hard. You must sacrifice your own goals for the greater good and a higher purpose.
You must sweep the shed.
After each match, played in front of 60,000 plus fans, in front of millions on TV, after the camera crews have left, and the coaches are done speaking, when the eyes of the world have turned elsewhere, there is still a locker room to be cleaned.
By the players!
That’s right, after each and every game the All Blacks leading players take turns sweeping the locker room of every last piece of grass, tape, and mud. In the words of Kerr: “Sweeping the sheds. Doing it properly. So no one else has to. Because no one looks after the All Blacks. The All Blacks look after themselves.”
They leave the locker room in a better place than they got it. They leave the shirt in a better place than they got it. They are not there to get. They are there to give.
If you are a coach, recognize that by intentionally creating a culture where players seek to give instead if get, you will have a team that not only develops excellence on and off the field but is a team that is much more enjoyable to coach. Create a culture that rewards the 95% who are willing to give, and weeds out the 5% who are trying to get. When you do, the “getters” will stick out like a player who is vomiting: he feels better and everyone else feels sick. Eventually, he will get on board, or be thrown off the ship.
Parents, teach your children to be teammates who give. It will not only serve them well in athletics; it will serve them well in life.
For as former NY Yankee great Don Mattingly so eloquently stated:
“Then at one point in my career, something wonderful happened. I don’t know why or how . . . but I came to understand what “team” meant. It meant that although I didn’t get a hit or make a great defensive play, I could impact the team in an incredible and consistent way. I learned I could impact the team in an incredible and consistent way. I learned I could impact my team by caring first and foremost about the team’s success and not my own. I don’t mean by rooting for us like a typical fan. Fans are fickle. I mean CARE, really care about the team . . . about “US.”
Mattingly continued: “I became less selfish, less lazy, less sensitive to negative comments. When I gave up me, I became more. I became a captain, a leader, a better person and I came to understand that life is a team game. And you know what? I’ve found most people aren’t team players. They don’t realize that life is the only game in town. Someone should tell them. It has made all the difference in the world to me.”
Please share this article with an athlete or a team that matters to you. Encourage, no implore them to take Don Mattingly’s advice, to take the All Blacks advice. Come to prepared to compete, and to be a “giver” and not a “getter.”
You will stand out.
You will be a difference maker.
And you will get everything you want by giving full of yourself, and helping everyone else get what they want.
It changes everything.
For more great articles like this click the below link.
http://changingthegameproject.com/the-one-quality-great-teammates-have-in-common/
Thursday, June 25, 2015
This is a great article
YOU CAN READ THIS ARTICLE IN FULL AT.....
http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2015/04/09/raising-your-successful-35-year-old/?fb_ref=Default&_r=0
http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2015/04/09/raising-your-successful-35-year-old/?fb_ref=Default&_r=0
What do we mean when
we say we want to raise “successful” children? Too often, especially
around this time of year, that conversation centers on college or the
kinds of academics and activities that lead to college. “Success” is
hard to measure, and those external markers make for comforting
milestones along the way.
Comforting, but
dangerous. Because when checking off the achievement box is what defines
success, it’s too easy to forget that it’s the qualities in our
children that might lead to those accomplishments that matter — not the
goals themselves.
Achievements, from the
A on the science project to the letter of acceptance from Big U, can be
the gold stars for parents. They’re the visible signs that we’re doing
something right, and that makes it tempting to push our children
forward, just a little (or maybe a lot) by stepping in when it looks as
if they might not quite get there on their own. The working model of the
water cycle was her idea; we just “helped” build it. She did the
algebra homework; we just corrected it. He wrote the essay; we just
added some structure to the argument.
Those “justs” can be killers, says pediatrician Kenneth Ginsburg, author of “Raising Kids to Thrive”
(published by the American Academy of Pediatrics). Because while we
want to protect our children from harm, what we too often end up doing
is protecting them from learning. That help creep gets in the way of our
children experiencing the kind of results that teach lessons they need,
like “I could have done better if I’d worked harder” and “you can’t
leave things to the last minute and expect to do them well.” It teaches
them, instead, that their parents believe they are incapable of
achieving anything worthwhile on their own.
“We should be thinking
about the adult we’re raising from the day our children are born,” says
Dr. Ginsburg, and that means looking past the goals immediately in
front of them to the tenacious, resilient, empathetic, innovative person
you hope they will become. No one science project will teach all that,
but it’s the cumulative effect of many projects — projects done well,
projects done poorly, projects that were big dreams but out of reach and
projects that turned out exactly as planned, whether they look that way
to adult eyes or not — that builds up the muscles our children need as
adults.
Letting things turn
out poorly can be hard for parents, especially when it “matters.” We
extrapolate and catastrophize. Too much poorly done math homework will
mean my second grader never gets to calculus. A poor showing at the
audition he is not practicing for means he will never get another chance
at the state orchestra. It takes so long for children to learn the
lessons we think they should learn when things go awry — what if by the
time they’ve learned to do better, it’s too late for whatever we had in
mind?
When we parents catch
ourselves thinking that way, we need a goal reset. Dr. Ginsburg’s
metaphor for the parenting style that lets children experience their own
successes and failures is “lighthouse parenting.” “I want to be a model
for my child, a stable force that they can always see,” he says. “I
want to make sure that they don’t crash against the rocks, but I have to
make sure that they can ride the waves on their own.”
It’s distinguishing
between a crash and a rough wave that’s hard. “How do you protect and
let them learn? It’s a hard line to toe,” he says, especially as
children get older and their decisions begin to have longer-term
consequences. It’s easier to let a fifth grader fail a test she didn’t
study for than it is to look the other way when the same thing happens
to a high school junior, and on specific questions like that, there’s
“no prescription that applies to every kid,” he says.
Parents, he suggests,
should focus on giving children navigational skills. Instead of talking
to a teacher about how a child could improve a grade, send the child in
herself, but help her practice what to say. Don’t nag endlessly about
homework, but help create a study or project timetable that would make
it possible to get it all done. When the cardboard water cycle model
fails to hold water, help her think of the best way to present her
now-soggy project without it, congratulate her on thinking big, and
remind her that not everything works perfectly the first time.
Raising a successful
adult means letting a child be a child, with all the mistakes and
consequences and learning that come with childhood. If we cover up our
children’s best work with ours, they learn that their best isn’t good
enough. If we cover up their weak efforts with our willingness to do
more, then they’ll never learn that more is worth doing. If we prop up
their procrastination with our ability to nag and cajole, they’ll never
learn to discipline themselves. And if we insist on prizing the result
more than the process, they’ll never learn that sometimes it’s worth it
to shoot for the moon, even if you don’t get there.
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