HOW TO HANDLE YOUTH GOALIES

As an ex-goalie, father of two goalies, goalie coach for youth hockey for seven years, ex-baseball player and business owner that knows what failure looks and feels like, we as youth hockey coaches, need to do a better job of managing the most important position on the ice. The Goalie!

What I have seen first hand, and have heard through the perennial hockey grape vine, it is no wonder we have such difficulty filling this position. Goaltending is a position like no other in hockey. To paraphrase Yogi Berra, "Goaltending is ninety percent mental, and the other half is physical." It is time to step out of the dark ages and evolve our mentality around the goaltending position.

How I would evolve the position:

Squirt Hockey- "Change on the Fly" 

(NHL GOALIE'S CHANGING ON THE FLY https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WKCpbB6bDns)

1.     Rotate goalies every 4-5 minutes (depends on the period length, 4 min for 12 min period and 5 min for 15 min periods).  YES, that means "changing on the fly" in the 1st and 3rd periods.

Here are some potential benefits for "changing on the fly"

a.    It allows the goalie to feel like they are a part of the team.  For example, if they make a couple of big saves during their “shift” they come to the bench to receive high fives!  If they struggle during their “shift” you can use this time for a pep talk.

b.    As a goalie parent, your child is playing every game. With this approach, you won't be driving 30 miles to watch your kid sit on the bench.

c.    The goalie plays in every game- Championship games, blow outs, tight games, etc.

d.    They are more engaged during the game. They do not 'check out' like they would in the one game on, one game off system.  

e.    They stay warm during the whole game.  This method is superior to playing a ½ game.

f.      If there is a significant skill gap between your goalies it can give your team a competitive chance every game, not only every second game.  

When my oldest was a squirt, we “changed on the fly.”  I loved it, the kids loved it.  The other goalie's parents...... not so much... but they allowed me to run with it. Since there was a skill gap between the two goalies it worked in our teams favor.  We were competitive every game!

Here is the typical argument you will get if you decide to “change on the fly.”

-    The goalies will never do this at high school so why are they doing this now?

o    BECAUSE THEY ARE 9-10 YEARS OLD

-    You are hurting the goalies “development” they need to learn to focus for a whole game.

o    ARE YOU KIDDING ME?  I KNOW MAJOR LEAGUE BASEBALL PLAYERS THAT COULDN'T FOCUS FOR ONE INNING, LET ALONE AN ENTIRE GAME AND YOU WANT A 9 YEAR OLD TO FOCUS FOR A WHOLE GAME? "CHANGE ON THE FLY" IS ACTUALLY TEACHING THEM BETTER FOCUS HABITS. THEY ARE BEING TRAINED TO FOCUS IN AND FOCUS OUT.

-    The goalie needs to learn to “OWN” their game.

o    NO, THE GOALIE NEEDS TO FEEL A PART OF A TEAM. THE GOALIE NEEDS TO LEARN HOW TO HANDLE AS MANY DIFFERENT SITUATIONS AS POSSIBLE.  LEARNING TO OWN "THEIR" GAME CAN COME LATER IN THEIR YOUTH HOCKEY CAREER.

If changing on the fly in too much for you, please consider having your non-playing goalie skate out on the games they are not playing. As far as after squirts, I would like to see the first year Pee Wee goalie rotate every period. Second year Pee-Wee and above play the full games.

WHEN AND HOW DO I PULL A GOALIE?

This has been one of my biggest pet peeves in youth hockey. Here is what I don't understand, in a culture that says it is not okay to sit a player for multiple periods due to the performance of their teammates why is it ok to take a game away from a goalie because of others performance?   Why is it ok to sit a player for a couple of shifts because of performance but a goalie is removed for a whole game?   The biggest travesty here is that the GOALIE IS THE MOST IMPORTANT POSITION ON THE ICE.  So why don’t we spend more time understanding how to get the most out of this player?

If you use the “change on the fly” goalie rotation for squirts, you will not have to worry about pulling a goalie.  Pulling a goalie at squirts and pee-wee should not happen. The only time I could see this happen is if the goalie is emotional and spiraling out of control.  At times, in bantam and high school, you may feel it is warranted to pull a goalie.  If you feel that you have no choice but to pull your goalie, below are some suggestions on how to go about doing this.

1.    TRY NOT TO PULL THEM RIGHT AFTER A GOAL.  Tell the team to get another face off right away.  When you pull the goalie, take him/her out for A COUPLE OF SHIFTS to regain their composure.   Use this time build them up.  Use wording like, "I know you can do this", "This is your game",  "I need you to dig down and finish this game",  "Go for it". Give them a SIMPLE plan, for example, “I want to see you challenge the shooters, get out to the top of your crease and attack them”  DO NOT FOCUS ON WHAT THEY ARE DOING WRONG! STAY AWAY FROM SAYING "DON’T DO THIS OR DON’T DO THAT"

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-power-prime/201009/sports-building-confidence-part-i

http://changingthegameproject.com/changing-the-game-in-youth-sports/

See how they respond when they go back out on the ice.  If they look like they are battling then you have done your job well.  If they continue to struggle, then you will have to make a decision. What is the best thing to do for your goalie? Take them out of the situation or let them battle through it, this is bigger than the game, the wins and losses. Developing resilience, tenacity, and intestinal fortitude are life skills that will serve them better than stopping pucks.

This is a great article on coaching

http://changingthegameproject.com/the-secret-ingredient-of-great-coaching/

John O'Sullivan has many more of these kind of articles.  
http://www.changingthegameproject.com

The Secret Ingredient of Great Coaching

Posted In Coaching, Team Culture

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“I just can’t figure it out,” an exasperated coach said to me recently. “One day we are flying around the field, and the next it looks like we’ve never played together before. Why does this happen?”
“Do you think your players lost all their skill?” I asked? “Do you think they forgot how to play?”
“Of course not,” said the coach.
“Too many coaches think that performance is all about X’s and O’s,” I responded. “It’s much more than that.”
Many coaches think that coaching is an X’s and O’s business, but in reality it is a relationship business. The secret to great coaching and a successful performance by one’s team isn’t simply technique, or tactics, or fitness.
In fact, it comes down to a simple formula:
Performance = (Potential + Behavior) – Interference
(I came up with this equation after combining the definition of performance from two highly recommended books, Timothy Gallway’s The Inner Game of Tennis and James Kerr’s Legacy, which details the 2x defending world champion New Zealand All Blacks’ incredible success in rugby.)
Most coaches only look at potential and behavior (genetics, hours and quality of practice, attitude, coaching, fitness, etc.). These are incredibly important components, but they are not the whole equation.
Far too many coaches ignore the second half of the equation, interference.
Think of interference as the static on the radio during your favorite song. You know the song is great because you have heard it before. The lyrics are the same and the rhythm has not changed, but the song is not being heard in its best form. It is not the song’s fault- it is the radio station connection. In that moment you lose faith in the station’s ability to deliver the song in it’s best form. In other words, you no longer trust the radio station.
How does this relate to coaching to parenting, and to developing high-performing athletes?
Trust is the secret ingredient of great coaching.  
It is foundation of all great teams and all great relationships. Players cannot consistently perform their best if they do not trust their coaches, their parents and their teammates, and in-turn feel they are trusted.
Parents cannot give their kids ownership and release their children to the sport unless they trust their kids, and their coaches.
Coaches cannot get the most out of their athletes and teams unless they trust them to perform and earn their athlete’s trust in the process.
Trust is the secret ingredient of athletic success.
As Warren Buffett so eloquently states, “Trust is like the air we breathe. When it’s present no one notices and when it’s absent everyone can see it.”
Doesn’t this perfectly describe the athletes and teams you see on a weekly basis?
High trust teams and athletes are fun to watch, and even more fun to coach. In his excellent book The Speed of Trust,  Steven R Covey discusses the characteristics of high trust teams, such as:

• Common purpose and values
• Respect
• Commitment
• Resiliency
• Love which decreases fear
• Fewer discipline problems
• Intrinsically motivated athletes
• Celebrate each others success

In contrast, low trust relationships in sport are easy to spot, because you consistently see:

• Lack of a shared vision
• Lack of respect
• Varying levels of commitment
• Lots of finger pointing
• Pursuit of individual goals over team goals
• A lack of love, which creates fear

Trust amongst athletes, parents and coaches is something that has to be first earned, then cultivated, and then built upon. It is a self-fulfilling prophecy. High trust teams consistently do the things that build more trust (and usually more success) while low trust teams repeat the same mistakes over and over as the season falls apart.
Coaches, you must be intentional about building trust among your teams if you want to build programs that enjoy sustained success. Every one of your players needs something different from you and it is your job to seek out how to serve them in order for them to be able to perform at their best ability (see John Wooden’s definition of success) . Some need technique, some need tactics, some need discipline, and some need encouragement. To build trust with each of them you must first spend the time to get to know each athlete. Once you have gained their trust by giving them why they need, only then will those players play their hearts out for you, for their teammates, and for themselves— not because they have to, but because they want to!
How to Build Trust
The critical first step for coaches is to be worthy of trust from their athletes. They must coach the person, not the sport. And they must realize that trust is not solely built upon their ability to teach X’s ad O’s.
In their amazing book Trust Works, authors Ken Blanchard, Cynthia Olmstead and Martha Lawrence outline the four components of trust, the ABCD’s as they call them:

• Ability: your knowledge and competency to get the job done
• Believability: do you act with integrity and treat people fairly
• Connectedness: do you show empathy, love your athletes, and care about them as people first, and athletes second?
• Dependability: do you follow through on what you say, and hold yourself and everyone else accountable?

In my experience (and certainly this applied to me as a young coach), most coaches believe that reputation, playing ability and previous performance should garner trust. They played the game, they know a lot about the game, therefore everyone should have complete trust in their coaching, their judgment, and everything they do. Those things may get a coach a job, but it won’t be what makes the athlete trust them.
If your accountant was great at math and knew all the accounting laws, but filed your tax return late (lack of dependability), would you trust him?
If your doctor stared at the computer screen the whole time during your visit, ignored your complaints, didn’t care about your ailments (lack of connection), and then prescribed you medication would you trust her?
Of course not.
If you want to see the four components of trust in action, watch this short video of Georgia Football Coach Mark Richt, as he talks with his kicker before an attempt at a game winning field goal.
Can you see how he instills trust? Can you see how he connects, how he follows through on his core values, and more? Can you see how this type of behavior will allow your athletes the best chance at success?
Coaches, we must understand and accept that we will not be trusted, no matter how much we know, until parents and athletes know how much we care,
We must treat athletes fairly, act with integrity, and follow through on the things we say we will do. Those are the ABCD’s of trust that we must earn; there is no way around it.
To conclude, take a few minutes and watch this amazing TEDx talk by Coach Reed Maltbie, on “The Lasting Power of a Coach’s Words.” Reed is one of the brand new members of our speaking team here at the Changing the Game Project, and we are so honored that he will be helping us to bring about important changes in youth sports. His talk is amazing!
Please share this article and Coach Reed’s talk with coaches you know, and with the organizations that your kids play for.
Please help us to restore trust in our coaches, our parents, our athletes, and our organizations.
Only with trust can we build an environment that serves the needs, values and priorities of our kids, and truly change the game.

For those of you that don't know me, my name is Corey Koskie, and I have four boys that play multiple sports.  I have coached all levels of youth sports and have played most every level of baseball and hockey.  Over the last four years, I have been trying to realign the youth sports mentality with the bigger purpose of sports; As an important tool for the social and physical development of our children.  Throughout the year, I will pass on what I feel are impactful articles that are helping me in my journey. 

Because of my athletic background I was lucky enough to spend 20 years of my life with the best in the world at their respective sport.  A takeaway for me is that we all had a unique story. 99% of us had parents and coaches that encouraged, fostered autonomy, did not micromanage and criticize.  They allowed the game to teach us. When it beat us up; they would come along side put their arm around us and help us get back up.  My parents made me feel special because I was their child. They did not allow me to feel like I was their "special child" because of the abilities.  The cold reality is .00025% of the kids that play, have or had my abilities, yet 95% of the parents treat their child like that "special child".  This mindset leads to selfish behavior not only for the players but the adults(coaches and parents). The below article is just as relevant for us, as it is for our children.  Entitlement is a learned trait, and we are becoming more entitled as a society.  We have become really good at pointing the entitlement finger at certain social-economic groups. But the reality is we all are selfish; we all feel entitled at some point.  As adults, we can be really good at fooling ourselves. Coaches and parents are lying to themselves about what is "best" for the kids when in reality the coaches and parents want to win, so they feel good about themselves.

When reading this article think about how you can be a more selfless teammate, with your spouse, in your work environment, friends and how you can model selflessness for your children.


The One Quality Great Teammates Have in Common

Posted In Leadership, Messages for Kids, Motivation, Team Culture

By John O’Sullivan

“Coach, can I talk to you?”

“Sure,” I said. “What’s on your mind today Michael?”

“Well, I just want to know what I can do so I get to start more games and get more playing time as a center midfielder. I don’t think I am showing my best as a winger, and my parents tell me I am not going to get noticed by the college scouts unless something changes.”

Well Michael,” I said, “there is something that all coaches are looking for from the players they recruit. In fact, it is exactly what I am looking for from you as well. If you approach every practice, every fitness session, and every match with this one thing, I think you will see a huge improvement in your play, regardless of where you play. Interested?”

“Of course, coach. What is it?”

I waited a moment before I answered to make sure he was listening.

“You have to stop asking what you can get, and start asking what you can give. You must serve.”

Michael furrowed his brow as he tried to process what I told him.

“You want me to serve the team, like with food?”

I smiled, “No Michael, serving others is the one thing that unites successful people, from friends to employees to athletes to business owners. The great ones know that to be more they must become more, and to become more they must serve others.”

“So, you are saying that instead of asking what I can get from the team, I should be asking what I can give to the team?”

I wanted to leap out of my chair and hug him.

Michael got it. It’s not about him. It’s not about me. It’s about service. The tool that would eventually earn him more playing time and increase his chances of playing in college serving others by focusing upon what he could give, instead of what he could get.

My great friend and coaching mentor Dr. Jerry Lynch is the founder of Way of Champions is the winner of 34 NCAA titles and one NBA World Championship as a sport psychologist and consultant. He calls this paradigm-shifting question the most effective question an athlete can ask, and an attitude that every coach must try and instill in his or her team.

We live in a world these days where self-centeredness and a ‘what’s in it for me” attitude of entitlement is far too prevalent. In the age of the selfie, Instagram, Facebook and a million other ways to say “look at me,” the concept of teamwork and the importance of service to others has gotten lost in the shuffle.

This is very sad, because service to others is the exact thing that athletes need to not only become elite performers, but the type of athlete that coaches look for, celebrate, and fight over at the next level. Do you want to stand out from the crowd?

Start by serving everyone in that crowd.

Far too many athletes bring the attitude of “what do I get” to practice and games. They want to know how they can:

Get to start
Get more playing time
Get to play my favorite position
Get to score all the points/goals
Get to work hard when I want to
Get to show up (physically and mentally) when I feel like it
Get to give less than my best because I am an upperclassman
Get attention as the star player
Sadly, this is the path to short-term satisfaction, at the expense of long-term development and high-level performance. This attitude does not promote success; it inhibits growth on and off the field, the court, and the ice.

If you want your athletes to perform at their very best, whether you are a parent or coach, then you must get them the right question.

What can I give?

Athletes who ask themselves what they can give bring “I can give/I can do” attitudes and actions to the table for their teams. The can actually “get” everything they are looking for simply by starting with the following service oriented ideas:

I can give my best effort in practice and games
I can give my team a positive attitude no matter what the circumstances
I can give my team a boost no matter how many minutes I play
I can give my team a better chance to win no matter what position I play
I can do the dirty work so my teammate can score the goal and get the glory
I can sacrifice my personal ambitions for the better of the group
I can lead by example
I can be an example of our core values in action
As a coach, I used to think that the most important thing was to have my best players be my hardest workers. But now I realize that isn’t enough. Being a hard worker can still be a selfish pursuit.

No, the most important thing as a coach is to have a team that all ask “what can I give,” especially when it come to your captains, your upperclassmen, and your most talented athletes. You must teach them that the selfish attitude may once in a while lead to success, but the selfless attitude leads to excellence, celebrates the success of others, and makes you the type of athlete that EVERY COACH wants on his or her team.

The most successful sports team in the professional era is not the NY Yankees, or the Boston Celtics, or Real Madrid, but a team from a far less known sport. It is the New Zealand All Blacks in rugby, who have an astonishing 86% winning percentage and numerous championships to their name. In the outstanding book about the All Blacks called Legacy, author James Kerr discusses one of their core values that epitomizes the selfless attitude.

It’s called “Sweep the Shed.”

You see the goal of every All Blacks player is to leave the national team shirt in a better place than when he got it. His goal is to contribute to the legacy by doing his part to grow the game and keep the team progressing every single day.

In order to do so, the players realize that you must remain humble, and that no one is too big or too famous to do the little things required each and every day to get better. You must eat right. You must sleep well. You must take care of yourself on and off the field. You must train hard. You must sacrifice your own goals for the greater good and a higher purpose.

You must sweep the shed.

After each match, played in front of 60,000 plus fans, in front of millions on TV, after the camera crews have left, and the coaches are done speaking, when the eyes of the world have turned elsewhere, there is still a locker room to be cleaned.

By the players!

That’s right, after each and every game the All Blacks leading players take turns sweeping the locker room of every last piece of grass, tape, and mud. In the words of Kerr: “Sweeping the sheds. Doing it properly. So no one else has to. Because no one looks after the All Blacks. The All Blacks look after themselves.”

They leave the locker room in a better place than they got it. They leave the shirt in a better place than they got it. They are not there to get. They are there to give.

If you are a coach, recognize that by intentionally creating a culture where players seek to give instead if get, you will have a team that not only develops excellence on and off the field but is a team that is much more enjoyable to coach. Create a culture that rewards the 95% who are willing to give, and weeds out the 5% who are trying to get. When you do, the “getters” will stick out like a player who is vomiting: he feels better and everyone else feels sick. Eventually, he will get on board, or be thrown off the ship.

Parents, teach your children to be teammates who give. It will not only serve them well in athletics; it will serve them well in life.

For as former NY Yankee great Don Mattingly so eloquently stated:

“Then at one point in my career, something wonderful happened. I don’t know why or how . . . but I came to understand what “team” meant. It meant that although I didn’t get a hit or make a great defensive play, I could impact the team in an incredible and consistent way. I learned I could impact the team in an incredible and consistent way. I learned I could impact my team by caring first and foremost about the team’s success and not my own. I don’t mean by rooting for us like a typical fan. Fans are fickle. I mean CARE, really care about the team . . . about “US.”

Mattingly continued: “I became less selfish, less lazy, less sensitive to negative comments. When I gave up me, I became more. I became a captain, a leader, a better person and I came to understand that life is a team game. And you know what? I’ve found most people aren’t team players. They don’t realize that life is the only game in town. Someone should tell them. It has made all the difference in the world to me.”

Please share this article with an athlete or a team that matters to you. Encourage, no implore them to take Don Mattingly’s advice, to take the All Blacks advice. Come to prepared to compete, and to be a “giver” and not a “getter.”

You will stand out.

You will be a difference maker.

And you will get everything you want by giving full of yourself, and helping everyone else get what they want.

It changes everything.



For more great articles like this click the below link.

http://changingthegameproject.com/the-one-quality-great-teammates-have-in-common/

 This is a great article

Raising Your Successful 35-Year-Old

YOU CAN READ THIS ARTICLE IN FULL AT.....
http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2015/04/09/raising-your-successful-35-year-old/?fb_ref=Default&_r=0

What do we mean when we say we want to raise “successful” children? Too often, especially around this time of year, that conversation centers on college or the kinds of academics and activities that lead to college. “Success” is hard to measure, and those external markers make for comforting milestones along the way.

Comforting, but dangerous. Because when checking off the achievement box is what defines success, it’s too easy to forget that it’s the qualities in our children that might lead to those accomplishments that matter — not the goals themselves.

Achievements, from the A on the science project to the letter of acceptance from Big U, can be the gold stars for parents. They’re the visible signs that we’re doing something right, and that makes it tempting to push our children forward, just a little (or maybe a lot) by stepping in when it looks as if they might not quite get there on their own. The working model of the water cycle was her idea; we just “helped” build it. She did the algebra homework; we just corrected it. He wrote the essay; we just added some structure to the argument.

Those “justs” can be killers, says pediatrician Kenneth Ginsburg, author of “Raising Kids to Thrive” (published by the American Academy of Pediatrics). Because while we want to protect our children from harm, what we too often end up doing is protecting them from learning. That help creep gets in the way of our children experiencing the kind of results that teach lessons they need, like “I could have done better if I’d worked harder” and “you can’t leave things to the last minute and expect to do them well.” It teaches them, instead, that their parents believe they are incapable of achieving anything worthwhile on their own.

“We should be thinking about the adult we’re raising from the day our children are born,” says Dr. Ginsburg, and that means looking past the goals immediately in front of them to the tenacious, resilient, empathetic, innovative person you hope they will become. No one science project will teach all that, but it’s the cumulative effect of many projects — projects done well, projects done poorly, projects that were big dreams but out of reach and projects that turned out exactly as planned, whether they look that way to adult eyes or not — that builds up the muscles our children need as adults.

Letting things turn out poorly can be hard for parents, especially when it “matters.” We extrapolate and catastrophize. Too much poorly done math homework will mean my second grader never gets to calculus. A poor showing at the audition he is not practicing for means he will never get another chance at the state orchestra. It takes so long for children to learn the lessons we think they should learn when things go awry — what if by the time they’ve learned to do better, it’s too late for whatever we had in mind?

When we parents catch ourselves thinking that way, we need a goal reset. Dr. Ginsburg’s metaphor for the parenting style that lets children experience their own successes and failures is “lighthouse parenting.” “I want to be a model for my child, a stable force that they can always see,” he says. “I want to make sure that they don’t crash against the rocks, but I have to make sure that they can ride the waves on their own.”

It’s distinguishing between a crash and a rough wave that’s hard. “How do you protect and let them learn? It’s a hard line to toe,” he says, especially as children get older and their decisions begin to have longer-term consequences. It’s easier to let a fifth grader fail a test she didn’t study for than it is to look the other way when the same thing happens to a high school junior, and on specific questions like that, there’s “no prescription that applies to every kid,” he says.

Parents, he suggests, should focus on giving children navigational skills. Instead of talking to a teacher about how a child could improve a grade, send the child in herself, but help her practice what to say. Don’t nag endlessly about homework, but help create a study or project timetable that would make it possible to get it all done. When the cardboard water cycle model fails to hold water, help her think of the best way to present her now-soggy project without it, congratulate her on thinking big, and remind her that not everything works perfectly the first time.

Raising a successful adult means letting a child be a child, with all the mistakes and consequences and learning that come with childhood. If we cover up our children’s best work with ours, they learn that their best isn’t good enough. If we cover up their weak efforts with our willingness to do more, then they’ll never learn that more is worth doing. If we prop up their procrastination with our ability to nag and cajole, they’ll never learn to discipline themselves. And if we insist on prizing the result more than the process, they’ll never learn that sometimes it’s worth it to shoot for the moon, even if you don’t get there.

Why baseball is losing children

This is why................."Ismael Gonzalez, who manages the Miami-based 9-and-under team MVP Juniors Elite, said his team travels throughout the Southeast, playing more than 100 games a year and practicing two or three days a week. “These kids work like machines,” he said. “This is not just for fun. This is their lifestyle.”
The stuff people say to kids is RIDICULOUS. What I heard come out of people's mouth at a 10 years old baseball tournament last week borders on abuse. FYI- coach and parents..... I've seen big leaguers miss ground balls and fly balls, I've seen them screw up run downs, I've seen them swing at pitch out of the strike zone.
This is why baseball is losing kids. There is no where to hide on the baseball field. You can't hide from failure. You can't hide and fall into obscurity. Couple this with parents and coaches yelling/shaming. Why bother.......... play lacrosse, soccer, basketball. At least they can become obscure in these sports. MOM..... DAD..... COACH....If you get mad at a youth baseball player for missing a ball. YOU ARE WRONG!
MOM...... DAD...... COACH.... IF you get mad at a youth player for striking out.... YOU ARE WRONG...........
I struck out 795 times in the big leagues and made 81 errors. If I had to deal with these coaches and parents. I would of never made it and had the opportunity to fail in front of 40,000 people.

 Why baseball is losing children

http://www.wsj.com/articles/why-baseball-is-losing-children-1432136172

Why Kids Quit Sports

 Written by John O'Sullivan- www.changingthegameproject.com

You can read this article in full at  http://changingthegameproject.com/why-kids-quit-sports/?inf_contact_key=875f0158429bd995b458aaa3836e7749a2fbae9cd2e1a1de4099378fc8eae4ba

“I just can’t take it anymore coach,” a talented but underperforming player named Kate told me a few years back. “I think I am done playing.”
My mind went through all the reasons this might be happening: burnout, other interests, team dynamics, I was too hard on her, the gamut. What could it be?

“It’s my dad. He loves me and I know he only wants the best for me, but he just can’t stop coaching me, in the car, and from the sideline each and every game. I can’t play when he is around, and he insists on coming to every game, every road trip, you name it. It’s like it’s more important to him than it is to me.”
Sadly, Kate’s story is a common one. It is a tale about well-intentioned parents whom want nothing but the best for their children. They love their kids; they just don’t always love them in a helpful way.
As I have stated here many times, 70% of children are dropping out of organized sports by the age of 13. Whenever I mention this sad statistic, people come out of the wood work saying that it’s only the kids who aren’t good enough to play that quit. They say it’s an age where school, jobs and other interests take precedence. These things are true and contribute to a part of the dropout rate, but they are not the entire picture.
Sadly, in our current state of youth sports, kids and families are asked to do more and more at younger and younger ages, especially the kids who show early aptitude in a sport. Many of these athletes, our most dedicated and talented ones, burnout and drop out as well.
We don’t simply lose the kids who cannot make varsity; we lose many of the best athletes on our teams.
If you are a parent or a coach, I believe it is critical that we have a good understanding of why kids play, and why they quit. It is also crucial that we have open lines of communication with our athletes, so we can spot some of the red flags and right the ship before it’s too late.
I believe there are five main reasons kids walk away from sports, and they all boil down to one common denominator: they cause kids to have a poor state of mind when it comes to sports. I hope you will look at each one of these scenarios and ask yourself “Is this my child?” If the answer is yes, then it is never too late to act and make a change.
1. It’s no longer fun
The #1 reason kids quit is because sports is no longer fun. In a 2014 study for George Washington University, researcher Amanda Visik interviewed numerous youth athletes and asked them why they played sports, and 9 out of 10 said the #1 reason they played was it was fun!
The children in the George Washington study defined fun as trying their best, being treated respectfully by coaches, parents and teammates, and getting playing time. They listed eighty-one characteristics of fun, and winning (#48), playing tournaments (#63) and practicing with private trainers (#66) did not finish high on the list.

If your young athletes are not having fun, they will eventually walk away, regardless of talent or how good their team or coach is. Adults rarely do voluntary activities such as exercise or community service work that they do not derive enjoyment from. Why do we think our kids will?
Solution: Your athletes are never too old, or too talented, to answer the question “Are you enjoying yourself out there?” Ask it! Chances are, the more they enjoy themselves, the better they play, the more they play, and the harder they will work. Michael Jordan had a “love of the game” clause in his professional basketball contracts, allowing him to play pickup whenever he wanted to, because he enjoyed playing so much. IT HAS TO BE FUN! And if it stops being fun, you need to figure out a way to make it fun, or before you know it, early retirement!
2. They have lost ownership of the experience
I believe that that one huge factor that makes sports less fun and leads children to pursue other interests over sport is loss of ownership of the experience.
Just like the story of Kate above, millions of kids leave sports and look for a place where their every action and every mistake is not scrutinized by an adult. That is not to say there is not a place for coaching or teaching; but good coaching does not take away autonomy. If you doubt this, then ask yourself “Why does the average teenage boy play 17 hours of video games a week?” A big part of that why is there is no one standing over his shoulder critiquing every move, and demanding that he entertain them.
If you find yourself saying “we struck out 10 batters” or “we scored 3 goals” you have not allowed your child to own the experience. If you find yourself coaching your child on every play from the sideline, and telling him to “shoot,” “dribble” or “pass” instead of letting him make his own decisions, you are not helping! You are stealing ownership of the experience from your child, and in the process sucking out the enjoyment. Would it be helpful to have your boss stand over your shoulder and critique everything you do at work? No? Then why do we think it helps our young athletes?
It doesn’t.
Solution: Accept your child’s goals for playing sports (click here to get my parent-child goal setting sheet and watch my video on goal setting). Help them find their passion, instead of trying to determine it for them. When you are watching your kid’s games, either cheer positively after a play or say nothing at all. Never yell at the referee. If you don’t know what to say, ASK YOUR CHILD! You might be surprised at the answer.
3. They don’t get playing time
If kids are on a team, and they never get to play meaningful minutes or get pulled out after any mistake, they are going to quit! Kids want to play. Kids need to play. It matters little to them how good their team is, or how famous their coach is, if they never get in and contribute to the team. A study by the Josephean Institute found that 90% of children would rather PLAY on a losing team then SIT THE BENCH on a winning team.
Our overemphasis on winning at younger ages is creating an all-star culture in elementary school sports that no longer allows children to develop at their own pace. When coaches focus solely on wins and losses, and only play the kids who will help the team win today, coaches drive so many kids out of sports who in the long run would ultimately be better players. If Major League Manager Mike Matheny could find playing time at all positions for his youth baseball team, you can too.
Solution: Coaches, if you pick them, you need to play them, especially at the youngest age groups. And parents, if your child is on a team but never plays meaningful minutes despite coming to all practices and games, ask your child if they are unhappy. If they are, find another team when your commitment is over. The college and professional sports world is full of athletes who were not star players at age 11; many of them were even on the dreaded “B” team. But they got to play, and as a result, they developed athletically, and grew to love the game. No youth trophy is worth not playing.
4. They are afraid to make mistakes
Kids tell us that one of the main reasons they quit is because they are afraid to make mistakes, because they get criticized, yelled at, benched, and more. Great players develop in environments where they do not fear mistakes, where they are encouraged to try and fail, and they are made to understand that failure is a necessary part of the development process. Coaches and parents who keep a running commentary going on the sideline, second guessing every decision and action players take, and yelling at players for trying their best and failing, create a culture of fear that drives players out of the game.
Solution: Embrace failure and risk taking in young athletes. Instead of only praising the result of a successful action, start praising what kids do immediately after a mistake. Do they hustle and get the ball back? Do they keep trying to beat their player 1v1? Praise the reaction to failure, and create a safe to fail environment.
5. They feel disrespected
In the 2014 George Washington study, children listed the top five characteristics of a great coach, and “Respect and Encouragement” came in at #1. I have never met an adult who enjoys being disrespected by his or her friends, family or co-workers, yet go to any sports match and you see numerous examples of children who are being disrespected because they made a bad pass, or missed a shot. I see ridiculous shows like “The Short Game” in which 7 year old golfers are hounded by their caddy-daddy after chunking the same chip that a PGA pro chunked on the weekend.

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